Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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