Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
