Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
