somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
