Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
