she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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