he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
