She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
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My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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