I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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