im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
