We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
