then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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