Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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