Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
