you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
