careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick