My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep