he wants to bone in the snuggie
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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