Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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