He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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