He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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