dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
