Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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