Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
