you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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