he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
