dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
