smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
