the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
