You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
