its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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