girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
