Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
