Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
