Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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