I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.