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• (586): View more from Michigan

  My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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• (619): View more from California

  well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.

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  23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories

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• (432): View more from Texas

  If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  The apocalypse has arrived.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  It's definitely revenge time.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.

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