My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.