I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
