you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.