He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
