too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito