we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
