I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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