drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
