Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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