This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
