Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
