Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
