I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
