My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
