i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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