dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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