Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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