haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
