I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
