that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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