I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
