Umm I'm too high to move.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
