it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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