he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize