he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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