Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
