It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
