i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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