i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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