i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
