So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
