I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
