Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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