Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
