last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
