Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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