why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
