i just had sex bonerless
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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