so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
