I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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