i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
now i know why i became what i already was.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
