I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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