So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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