Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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