FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
