If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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