It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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