you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
