I think I died a long time ago.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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